So i've calmed down a bit from my last post (i don't think it even sounded that angry, but the feeling was there!) I think, from general comments (eg lib and sez's blogs, see links) we've reached a general concurance that this time of the year esp sucks/is tough. There's stuff coming at you from all directions with school which includes constant work and pressure, exams, friends, formals, teachers, exhaustion (mental, physical AND emotional) as well as family, other friends and any other circumstances on top- we're all going through stuff after Tim and Cammo's Mum's deaths as well.
I feel such a mixed bag of emotions- like on the one hand i go from feeling angry at myself and others and feeling like doing some giant scrawly textured painting thing, to feeling so appreciative of people's love, and accepting me flaws and all, and their company and coolness, and coming back to God's constant assurance and reassurance. It's like there's so much bubbling away and it keeps on coming to the boil and your like AHHH :) :( :S all at the same time!!! It so does help to know that your not alone when you feel like that, bcoz that can be the overriding emotion- just that you feel so isolated. It's weird bcoz when i'm around ppl i always feel better (which is why i prob don't always looked stressed out!), but it's often when i'm alone it can sometimes get overwhelming. Just the practical thing of not spending as much time with people in year 12 (and other years/study...things) does make it tough (eg Dave). We are in the home stretch people (with school)- only a few months to go and they'll fly by!! Actually that's scary!
I've got a new favourite movie (to add to my list)- watched My Life as a House again today, it's a cool movie. It's real, sad, funny, good ending that leaves you with hope... I like it.
Anyway, I'm kind of sick atm (feel better than yesterday, could've had something to do with the 13 hours sleep... had the day off which i felt bad re:missing lessons about bcoz friday's the day i have no free's, but Mum was like 'don't be silly, you're sick! you're staying home!' (to paraphrase), but it was good) sooo yeah, i'm off to the land of nod!
PS to add to sez and lib, comments are v good/appreciated ppl, we like to know what u think!!
PPS This all sounds quite depressing, but i was just thinking all this kind of stuff can be good- 1) we get to know ourselves better, our strengths/weaknesses. 2) we get to know and be there for each other more, 3) we can relate more to people we might come across feeling similarly, and last but not least 4) we CAN come to rely on God more, know more about Him, become more real in our relationship with him (I know how easy it is to lie to not only urself and others, but (well try, he already knows anyway) to God about how ur feeling) and he can make us stronger thru the tough times!
Friday, June 24, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
am i part of the cure, or am i part of the disease?
OK so RRGGGHH!!! I just spent ages on this post, like almost an hour, and then i accidentally pressed some button and lost it all!! Breathe in, breathe out...
So i'll try and paraphrase the essence of what i wrote
There have been some things that have been making me angry lately, such as: two-facedness (bitching behind someone's back, but being all smiles and friendly to them face to face), unecessary negativity, selfishness (for example not really listening to what ppl are saying, but just focussing on how they are impacts on you, or saying stuff so they'll say the same thing back) and so forth.
They don't just annoy me bcoz other ppl do them, but bcoz i do them as well (Rom 2:1 'You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgement on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgement do the same things'!). I guess i've been challenged lately about how much i care about what other people really think, and therefore how i act doesn't always match up with what i believe (as lawson said, what's faith without action? so true, how can our faith grow and be challenged if we don't actually do something about it, walk our talk, put our money where out mouth is??).
On the other hand stuff i've noticed that is really cool: when we are for each other and come alongside each other, build each other up in what we say and do, positivity (not fake-happy, or being dishonest- it's part of life that we feel horrible from time to time and we shouldn't have to be happy all the time- but if u do feel happy, why not try and pass it on?), selflessness in what we say and what we do, and so on. I've said it before, but I'm so thankful that i have so many people around me who are constantly there for me and encourage me, i don't know how they put up with me sometimes.
So yeah, no-one's perfect, least of all me. Which is the whole essence of Christianity I guess- we completely stuffed up and hurt God by how we reject Him, but He still put everything into place (ie Jesus, perfect, Son of God, took the punishment we deserved to take for rejecting God- that's full on!) so that we could have a relationship with Him (sorry if there should've been a church lingo alert in there). To quote a quote, God loves us just how we are, but He loves us too much to leave us that way.
OC's on, this is a bit of a ramble and i could say more, but i gtg (lol, shutup, i know it's sad!!)
So i'll try and paraphrase the essence of what i wrote
There have been some things that have been making me angry lately, such as: two-facedness (bitching behind someone's back, but being all smiles and friendly to them face to face), unecessary negativity, selfishness (for example not really listening to what ppl are saying, but just focussing on how they are impacts on you, or saying stuff so they'll say the same thing back) and so forth.
They don't just annoy me bcoz other ppl do them, but bcoz i do them as well (Rom 2:1 'You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgement on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgement do the same things'!). I guess i've been challenged lately about how much i care about what other people really think, and therefore how i act doesn't always match up with what i believe (as lawson said, what's faith without action? so true, how can our faith grow and be challenged if we don't actually do something about it, walk our talk, put our money where out mouth is??).
On the other hand stuff i've noticed that is really cool: when we are for each other and come alongside each other, build each other up in what we say and do, positivity (not fake-happy, or being dishonest- it's part of life that we feel horrible from time to time and we shouldn't have to be happy all the time- but if u do feel happy, why not try and pass it on?), selflessness in what we say and what we do, and so on. I've said it before, but I'm so thankful that i have so many people around me who are constantly there for me and encourage me, i don't know how they put up with me sometimes.
So yeah, no-one's perfect, least of all me. Which is the whole essence of Christianity I guess- we completely stuffed up and hurt God by how we reject Him, but He still put everything into place (ie Jesus, perfect, Son of God, took the punishment we deserved to take for rejecting God- that's full on!) so that we could have a relationship with Him (sorry if there should've been a church lingo alert in there). To quote a quote, God loves us just how we are, but He loves us too much to leave us that way.
OC's on, this is a bit of a ramble and i could say more, but i gtg (lol, shutup, i know it's sad!!)
Thursday, June 16, 2005
coffee= the person on whom one coughs
Alrite, this is actually gonna be a nice, concise blog bcoz i'm reeeally tired (running on about 4 2:30 late nights in the past week, and 4 1/2 hrs sleep last night (partly contributed to the fact that i got up at a rather uncivilised hour to put a bday card and stuff in Dave's letter box! He's worth it tho...aww!) :o( lol poor me- it's my fault, but still I'm looking for sympathy!) Got a big psych report done last night, and tonight am doing a modern history essay (on the Constituent Assembly in the French Revolution for anyone who's interested or knows anything about it) for this teacher who's a nice guy, but i don't really get his marking system and don't really learn too much in the lessons... Can you tell I'm buried in schoolwork atm?! It's all I talk about!
Anyway, I also wanted to say a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! to Dave as well... so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! lol
bttb (meaning back to the BOOKS :oP)
Anyway, I also wanted to say a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! to Dave as well... so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! lol
bttb (meaning back to the BOOKS :oP)
Monday, June 13, 2005
coffee, tea, and dried apricots
Thought I'd better put up a word of explanation about my likely social hibernation this week- SO MUCH WORK!!! OK, so today was supposed to be a work day (of course, the Monday of a long weekend is always the work day!!), mainly doing art stuff, nothing too urgent, so slept in till about 12:30, read the paper, had some brekky, was writing up all the stuff due this week on my whiteboard... and then in a horrible moment of realisation and intense kicking myself realised I had a big english piece due tomorrow which i had completely forgotten about and hadn't done any research for (it's a piece of persuasive writing on a topic of your choice). So had a restrained freak out about the fact i hadn't even chosen a topic, but then with the help of my marvelous parents found one (ironically on whether 'internet communication (eg blogs) reinforces social isolation, or is it a valid form of social contact?') and got it done...just. Ah well, prob good in the long run, we've got to get used to writing under pressure (i used to do everything the night before it was due, but i'm not as used to it now!).
Anyway, the weekend just been has been a jam packed but fun one- quick recap: Dave came over to my place, and we then youth on friday nite, then on saturday had a shopping spree at Harbour Town (i honestly hadn't bought clothes for a while! inc velvet jacket, couple of tops, and couple of pairs of shoes (inc formal ones!) all for genuine bargain prices!) then shopping for Phil's b'day prezzie in town with Lisa and Ez (oh, the concoction of gifts was quite awesome! lol, we even got a chef's costume for the, shall we say, domestically challenged b'day boy), then got ready with Anne for, and went to Phil's 18th at the Imperial Peking Restaurant (i actually drove with 3 ppl in the car, and we didn't die!) which was a lot of fun, THEN on sunday helped mum with Sparklers (3-4 yr olds) at the 10:30 service (so cute/entertaining!), went to Dan and Phili's to do some work, came back and did Emily's hair for an 18th she was going to, went to music prac then sas, then to Cammo's for a bbq (*sigh* i lost The Game of Life (boardgame) how sad does that sound?! but had a lotta fun doing it...) then dropped Nic and eventually Dave home and returned to my humble abode at around 1:30... Hmm, I think that's got to set the record for the longest sentance, possibly ever.
Been feeling a bit bleugh lately, about different things but I guess in partic still grieving about Tim, as well as the stresses of school... But i'm so glad that i have such supportive friends and family to help me through, i feel very fortunate! Like just hanging out always lifts my spirits.
And btw, i realise now that the photo was kind of asking for it, but seriously guys, did it really need that many comments, it was just a tad over the top. Now children, you'd better have gotten that out of your system :oP Not that i can talk...at all really... but still!!
Anyway, the weekend just been has been a jam packed but fun one- quick recap: Dave came over to my place, and we then youth on friday nite, then on saturday had a shopping spree at Harbour Town (i honestly hadn't bought clothes for a while! inc velvet jacket, couple of tops, and couple of pairs of shoes (inc formal ones!) all for genuine bargain prices!) then shopping for Phil's b'day prezzie in town with Lisa and Ez (oh, the concoction of gifts was quite awesome! lol, we even got a chef's costume for the, shall we say, domestically challenged b'day boy), then got ready with Anne for, and went to Phil's 18th at the Imperial Peking Restaurant (i actually drove with 3 ppl in the car, and we didn't die!) which was a lot of fun, THEN on sunday helped mum with Sparklers (3-4 yr olds) at the 10:30 service (so cute/entertaining!), went to Dan and Phili's to do some work, came back and did Emily's hair for an 18th she was going to, went to music prac then sas, then to Cammo's for a bbq (*sigh* i lost The Game of Life (boardgame) how sad does that sound?! but had a lotta fun doing it...) then dropped Nic and eventually Dave home and returned to my humble abode at around 1:30... Hmm, I think that's got to set the record for the longest sentance, possibly ever.
Been feeling a bit bleugh lately, about different things but I guess in partic still grieving about Tim, as well as the stresses of school... But i'm so glad that i have such supportive friends and family to help me through, i feel very fortunate! Like just hanging out always lifts my spirits.
And btw, i realise now that the photo was kind of asking for it, but seriously guys, did it really need that many comments, it was just a tad over the top. Now children, you'd better have gotten that out of your system :oP Not that i can talk...at all really... but still!!
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
How can something so small hurt so much?!
Well, that's a bit overdramatic i guess- i'm talking about splinters, i just had to dig five out of my fingers! More how can something so small be so annoying! I'm not quite sure how i got them, i think it might've had something to do with the tree climbing expedition me and Dave had on fri... Talking of tree's, i went on a bit of a bushwalk at Waterfall Gully this arvo which was... exhausting! Lol, i had to stop like 6 times on the way up to this lookout which i think is non-existant- we went there a few years ago with JY, and I wanted to find it again because it was really cool (these big boulder things), so I followed the path up which was posted 'eagle-on-the-hill'... but i ain't seen no eagle on a hill, or any lookouts for that matter. I kind of ended up near this freeway road thing, at which stage i'd been gone for a while and i thought I'd better head back. So even though i didn't really feel like i finished the walk, it was good to get out and get some excercise and fresh air! Hopefully it got some stress out as well- i'm in this wierd kind of out-of-it zone atm (how unusual i hear you say...!) but at the same time i'm a bit stressed about school... Not too bad, but you know, a bit!
Something else I wanted to share was something Polly shared with me, that she got from a discipleship meeting at the church she's going to in Edinburgh... I thought is was cool, and really true!
Standing in His ['his' being Jesus...duh] name is not...
Hoping that your silence will convince your friend to receive Jesus
Hiding your relationship with Jesus to strengthen your friendship
Saying that you're a Christian, then avoiding any spiritual conversations for the next 40 yrs of friendship
Filling your schedule with so many prayer meetings that you don't have time to talk to your friends about Jesus
only hangin out with committed christians
Being defensive about your faith
standing in His name is....
Being open and honest about our relationship with Jesus
being disciplined in your words, actions, and behaviours
Taking a loving interest in your friend's beliefs and personal life
Confronting your friend's dodgy beliefs and practices (often passively)
Communicating acceptance, despite spiritual conflict
Continually bringing up issues that they are avoiding talking about.
Anyway, here are some photos from Jordan's (Mim's boyfriend) first 21st on Sat night (he's having another one in Ungarra this w/e)- the theme was 'big, bad or beard hair' if u can't tell! Haha, ahh so many laughs, so many laughs... Lol, on the subject of laughs as well, who'd have thought that making eyebrows, a moustache and goatee out of sticky notes (along with 'leg hairs' out of stockings) could be so amusing? Apparently Richo, Dani , Kendyl, Hannah, Julia, me etc: as you can see we make our own fun at lunchtimes at Marryatville High!
Something else I wanted to share was something Polly shared with me, that she got from a discipleship meeting at the church she's going to in Edinburgh... I thought is was cool, and really true!
Standing in His ['his' being Jesus...duh] name is not...
Hoping that your silence will convince your friend to receive Jesus
Hiding your relationship with Jesus to strengthen your friendship
Saying that you're a Christian, then avoiding any spiritual conversations for the next 40 yrs of friendship
Filling your schedule with so many prayer meetings that you don't have time to talk to your friends about Jesus
only hangin out with committed christians
Being defensive about your faith
standing in His name is....
Being open and honest about our relationship with Jesus
being disciplined in your words, actions, and behaviours
Taking a loving interest in your friend's beliefs and personal life
Confronting your friend's dodgy beliefs and practices (often passively)
Communicating acceptance, despite spiritual conflict
Continually bringing up issues that they are avoiding talking about.
Anyway, here are some photos from Jordan's (Mim's boyfriend) first 21st on Sat night (he's having another one in Ungarra this w/e)- the theme was 'big, bad or beard hair' if u can't tell! Haha, ahh so many laughs, so many laughs... Lol, on the subject of laughs as well, who'd have thought that making eyebrows, a moustache and goatee out of sticky notes (along with 'leg hairs' out of stockings) could be so amusing? Apparently Richo, Dani , Kendyl, Hannah, Julia, me etc: as you can see we make our own fun at lunchtimes at Marryatville High!
Saturday, June 04, 2005
The Thing from Sez and Lib's Blogs
Yeah, I succumbed to peer pressure ;o) Haha, made it tricky for you to read... go down to the bottom if u can't work out how to make it easier!
30 Questions
30 KooL Questions U Just Hav to Do [follow the instructions]1
. Copy and paste into ur blog
2. BOLD anything true
3. Leave plain anything untrue
4. Underline anything that's half truehere we go
001. I miss somebody right now
002. I watch more TV than I used to
003. I love olives (i went through a phase,,,)
004. I love sleeping
005. I own lots of books (my family in general- i think my Dad's wall of books has been named 8th wonder of the world...)
006. I love to play video games
007. I believe honesty is the best policy
008. I have acne free skin (I wish!)
009. I curse frequently
010. I have changed mentally over the past year
011. I have a hobby
012. I love rain (i always want to go for a walk in thunder storms, but for some reason mum thinks its unsafe?! and going to sleep when its raining outside is the best)
013. I need money right now
014. I love sushi
015. I talk really, really fast sometimes
016. I have semi-long hair (semi-semi long- its the shortest of my friends' i think)
017. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months
018. I have mood swings (ooooh yeah, sorry about that guys!)
019. I am always hyper no matter how much sugar I have (as in sometimes i'm the opposite, and sugar has a placating effect)
020. I have a mobile phone
021. I love to shop
022. I am a pretty good dancer (like Lib, i've been told i am... but they may have been being sarcastic, lol! I just like to have fun!)
023. I want to have kids in the future
024. I have rejected somebody before
025. I have kissed a boy
026. I have kissed a girl
027. I bite my nails
028. I have fresh breath in the morning (who does?)
029. I have been told I have a nice butt (it was a while ago tho!)
030. I have a hidden talent (if my english newsreader voice counts as a hidden talent)
*Hint* bold/highlight it to read it
30 Questions
30 KooL Questions U Just Hav to Do [follow the instructions]1
. Copy and paste into ur blog
2. BOLD anything true
3. Leave plain anything untrue
4. Underline anything that's half truehere we go
001. I miss somebody right now
002. I watch more TV than I used to
003. I love olives (i went through a phase,,,)
004. I love sleeping
005. I own lots of books (my family in general- i think my Dad's wall of books has been named 8th wonder of the world...)
006. I love to play video games
007. I believe honesty is the best policy
008. I have acne free skin (I wish!)
009. I curse frequently
010. I have changed mentally over the past year
011. I have a hobby
012. I love rain (i always want to go for a walk in thunder storms, but for some reason mum thinks its unsafe?! and going to sleep when its raining outside is the best)
013. I need money right now
014. I love sushi
015. I talk really, really fast sometimes
016. I have semi-long hair (semi-semi long- its the shortest of my friends' i think)
017. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months
018. I have mood swings (ooooh yeah, sorry about that guys!)
019. I am always hyper no matter how much sugar I have (as in sometimes i'm the opposite, and sugar has a placating effect)
020. I have a mobile phone
021. I love to shop
022. I am a pretty good dancer (like Lib, i've been told i am... but they may have been being sarcastic, lol! I just like to have fun!)
023. I want to have kids in the future
024. I have rejected somebody before
025. I have kissed a boy
026. I have kissed a girl
027. I bite my nails
028. I have fresh breath in the morning (who does?)
029. I have been told I have a nice butt (it was a while ago tho!)
030. I have a hidden talent (if my english newsreader voice counts as a hidden talent)
*Hint* bold/highlight it to read it
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Haha, that's very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Sooo I'm in one of those mixed moods where you're happy, passive, tired, stressed, yet chilled... I can't beleive its week FIVE already- seriously, it was only just the holidays! That's good, but bad- good because the holidays are that little bit closer, as are the formals, but bad because those assignment deadlines are also closer (but the work done on them strangely stays the same...) and i've still got to get everything else apart from the dress (and date ;o) for the formal!! Oh yeah, the work thing's kind of picked up with school again-the main things this week are this essay on the French revolution (actually pretty interesting, i wrote like 10 pages of notes from the text book but kind of enjoyed it!) and my art final (which i meant to start in week 1... didn't happen!) of Dad- I've abandoned the 'painted on wood' idea, too unecessarily tricky, and am going with the large portrait on canvas idea with wooden frame (wood bcoz it's masculine, he loves woodwork and so forth)... haha, he's gonna get a big head from this... get it? Portrait? Head? Big canvas? Haha!! OH man, i think i need sleep!! It's old news, but we got our yr 12 jumpers a couple of weeks back as well, just in time for this FREEZING weather, and they are tres the bomb (does that even work? lol)- go the hoodies with the sensibly placed zip for scarf placement...
Mum says i've gotta stop blogging now because she's annoying but incredibly caring (she dictated that sentance btw) and her daughter is amazingly wonderful and she'd be hysterically sobbing in a gutter now if it weren't for me (ok, maybe she didn't dictate that last bit ;o)!
Theological question of the moment: what IS church and its purpose? Thoughts anyone? More on that later my pretties...
Nighty night (haha charlotte), love jesseroopi
PS me and dave one month tomorrow! *contented sigh*
pps note the red lettering to warm your eyes bcoz its now winter! pinchandapunchforthefirstdayofthemonthnoreturns!!
Mum says i've gotta stop blogging now because she's annoying but incredibly caring (she dictated that sentance btw) and her daughter is amazingly wonderful and she'd be hysterically sobbing in a gutter now if it weren't for me (ok, maybe she didn't dictate that last bit ;o)!
Theological question of the moment: what IS church and its purpose? Thoughts anyone? More on that later my pretties...
Nighty night (haha charlotte), love jesseroopi
PS me and dave one month tomorrow! *contented sigh*
pps note the red lettering to warm your eyes bcoz its now winter! pinchandapunchforthefirstdayofthemonthnoreturns!!
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